Artist spotlight: Jessalyn Brooks Home studio

*Jessalyn Brooks, Shot by Jenna Ohnemus Peffley, Styled by Paige Wassel for Bed Threads, 2021*

In 2021, during one of the hardest months of my life, I met Jessalyn Brooks. I was briefly introduced to her work a year prior when I shot the home of Laura Harrier for Architectural Digest designed by Tiffany Howell of Night Palm. I remember Tiffany mentioning that she had a friend that was a local artist, and she really wanted to feature one of her paintings above the sofa (and it was amazing and absolutely perfect for the space - click here for that story - I have a thing for tangents, and you’ll find that out sooner or later if you’re a regular visitor to this site)- but it wasn’t until I was at her home looking at her art that I realized it was the same person!

I was scheduled to shoot Jessalyn’s downtown loft for the Australian bedding company Bed Threads “The Makers” series in early May. About a week prior, Eric (my husband) and I - having gone through some really big marriage challenges, decided to spend some time apart. I had left our home (hopeful, but not sure if it would be more than temporary at the time), and taken our very old dog to my parent’s house (they were out of town for a few weeks) to give us both space to recollect and reflect and, more importantly, so we didn’t kill each other. Two passionate creative artists with varying triggers and sensitivities and challenges who had both quit drinking not long before quarantine stuck in a small apartment in LA during a pandemic was an adventure, to say the least.

Relationships definitely went through massive shifts during the pandemic. I watched friends and family members divorce, long relationships that I never thought would end, ended. The world was in turmoil, families split, everyone had a difference of opinion on everything under the sun. Tensions were high and emotions were running rampant, and it felt like we’d all been thrown into a pit of despair with drops of hope that were constantly being given and then promptly taken away (I keep saying that everyone deserves grace for anything they said or did the last 3 years, because…ooof). There was no going back to who we once were, no matter how much we tried to feel normal again. Normal became something else entirely. We were learning how to exist in this new place of uncertainty, old traumas were triggered and new traumas revealed and we were creating new versions of ourselves to adapt to the ever changing landscape of the world and our places in it. For us, we were having to meet ourselves all over again, and reframe who we were separately and together (at least, that’s my perspective - I’m sure his is a little different - one of the big things I’ve learned the last few years is that two people can have completely different experiences of the exact same thing, and both are absolutely right and valid to the person experiencing them - two opposing truths can indeed mutually exist - I only speak for myself). Marriage can be really hard sometimes, and this was definitely one of the hard seasons. Thankfully, we made it out the other side stronger, but it was a process and continues to be a lesson in grace, surrender, compassion and forgiveness for ourselves and each other. What I now see as a gift of deep growth and connection was, at the time, what I’d like to think of as incredibly painful but necessary growing pains.

The day of the shoot was my first day back in LA since I left. I had driven in early to drop the dog off with Eric, but we didn’t see each other. He stayed upstairs as I walked in, and I was heartbroken, stepping into this placeholder of my life when I wasn’t sure if I would get to call it home again. After dropping the dog off, I spent the drive downtown in tears, trying to pull myself together enough to fake being professional amidst my own internal implosion. As I approached Jessalyn’s loft, I struggled to find a parking spot nearby on the street. The only spot I could find was between two encampments off skid row. Downtown LA has it’s charms and it’s challenges - one block can feel completely inspiring with stunning architecture and the energy of a city, and the next block can be less than ideal to haul expensive photo equipment out of the car as a woman alone when someone is shooting up on the sidewalk. There’s definitely a dark and a light to this city, and living here means embracing both and navigating it all - the amazing creative community - a city filled with some of the most talented humans in the world and the most beautiful weather and endless opportunity mixed with lost dreams and poverty and homelessness and despair. Some days the light shines so bright, and others the despair shuts out the light. This city we call home teaches us to seek balance daily, but it can be very easy to lose your balance if you’re not careful.

I sat in my car and sobbed. I considered emailing Bed Threads, telling them I couldn’t do it, turning around, and driving back to Ventura - it was one of those moments where it felt like the entire world was against me and nothing was going right. My assistant Jordan showed up just in time, sat with me as I cried, gave me a pep talk, waited until I had calmed myself down, and helped me gather my gear to make my way up to her loft.

As we approached the building, I saw our prop stylist Paige, who I had worked with a few times prior. We had a little small talk, somehow I had mentioned that Eric and I were struggling, she had mentioned that she was just ending a relationship, and by the time I got up into Jessalyn’s loft I was on the verge of tears again. I’ve always been someone who could compartmentalize whatever was going on in my personal life and maintain full professionalism on set, never allowing anything to affect my work. I spent years perfecting my ability to hide my emotions, afraid to be seen as weak while growing my career (especially as a woman who spent years fighting to be in a traditionally male industry). I never wanted to make anyone think I didn’t deserve to be where I was, or that I couldn’t handle my emotions. Needless to say, I had hit my breaking point. I was tough, but this was tougher.

Upon meeting Jessalyn, I felt the tears begin to well up again and I broke down and spilled everything that I was feeling in that moment, about how I had just dropped off our dog, how I wasn’t sure if my marriage was going to make it, how I couldn’t believe that my marriage might not make it - that he was my best friend, that I felt completely broken. Jessalyn - a stranger who had just welcomed this insane energy into her home, and Paige, a prop stylist who I had only worked with a few times both held space for me, in the most beautiful way. They sat with me and listened, allowed me to grieve, shared some of their own experiences, and created this container of peace and compassion and calm that was exactly what I needed. It was one of those moments, in the midst of one of the most challenging times, that reminded me of the beauty of being human, the pain and the joy and the strength and the love and the sorrow - all of it - and the reminder that everyone goes through it, and how we’re never really alone.

And then I pulled myself together, and I pulled out my camera, and I felt, for the first time in a week, that everything was going to be ok, that I was going to be ok. That I would have community around me to support me if I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I felt grateful for that moment, that realization, and I got to work.

The creative energy buzzing through Jessalyn’s loft was so special. The light, the colors, each item with a story behind it, everything intentionally placed, perfectly imperfect, and HER ART - she’s someone I believe to be one of the greats of our generation and it was such a gift to be in her presence, in her home, in the place she creates. Those walls had held parties, friends gathering and beautiful art being created, they had held love and loss and beauty and pain and joy and sorrow. And they had held me as well, just as Jessalyn had.

These images will always hold a special place in my heart, as a reminder of where I’ve been, and a reminder of the kindness of strangers who became friends. I fucking love artists.

Artist spotlight: Jessalyn Brooks Home studio

WELL TRAVELED: CASITA DE ARREBOL - A HIGH DESERT HEALING OASIS

Setting the table: A festive fall friend gathering